Heartbroken

I will be closing this blog shortly and instead starting one that is not named 'triplets'.

We had an ultrasound today and found out that we lost two of our three babies. I was shocked, terrified for the third, and completely heartbroken. I felt guilty that I wasn't able to enjoy seeing and hearing the heartbeat of the baby that we have because I was so sad about losing two. We are greatful that we have one baby that is measuring right on and appears to be healthy, but I still have to give myself time to mourn the loss of two.

Over the next few days I will allow myself to feel the sadness that comes with losing not one, but two babies. After I allow myself to heal I will focus on the growing this baby as happy and healthy as I can.

Thank you to all who have provided support so far. And thank you for any prayers that you can spare for our baby.

Starr

Randomness

For only being eight weeks, I sure am showing!! The babies are making their presence known! I really need to start taking some belly shots to track my progress.

I am anxious for Tuesday when we see if all three babies are growing. Once we find that out, we will get to planning, shopping, buying, etc. We also need to get Quinn transferred over to a twin or toddler bed.

I had such a nice visit with family yesterday for a cousin's graduation party! I am so proud of Brittany, she had an entire table filled with awards and medals and achievements. She really did well! I also really enjoyed connecting with some family that I only see once a year or so. Everyone sure was interested in my having triplets. A lot of people are excited to have triplets in the family!

I have decided to sell all my cloth diapers. I am sad about this! I just dont see us being able to coth diaper triplets. We used mostly pocket diapers so the stuffing of diapers after washing them takes awhile. Plus the time it takes to wash and dry them is just too much with triplets. And then thinking of packing a diaper bag with cloth for three babies sealed the decision to use disposables for the triplets. I hate putting all those diapers in landfills and spending all that money on the diapers. But honestly, there are some things we just need to go with what is going to make things just a little bit easier.

So, what has been on my mind lately??? Breastfeeding triplets! How. Am. I. Going. To. Do. It?? I know that it is soooo important for them to get the benefits of breast milk, especially since they are sure to be born small and early. So I am determined to provide them with the best thing that I can, and that is breast milk. In the beginning I'll have to pump while they are in NICU. Once they are home I am planning to nurse two at once while someone gives the other a bottle (of breast milk). I will rotate who receives the bottle so that one of them isnt always getting the bottle. I am sure I will have to supplement with formula some, but hopefully I will produce enough milk to nurse mostly. If anyone out there has tips on nursing three babies, I'm all ears!!

This week my appointments start... I have an appointment with the nurse tomorrow, and ultrasound Tuesday, then an appointment with my regular OB on Friday. Next Tuesday is my first appointment with my high risk MFM (Maternal Fetal Medicine)doctor.

Garage Sales!!

I have ants in my pants! I want to start getting the things I'll need while there are garage sales to shop! But... I am afraid to buy too much before we have another ultrasound to make sure all three babies are growing and thriving.

I did buy a few things this weekend. There was one garage sale that had some preemie clothes at GREAT prices. Twenty five cents each for tops and fifty cents for two piece outfits. And they were in GREAT condition! I have been looking around for preemie clothes at the stores, mostly just because I want to see how teenie tiny and cute they are. Problem is, most stores don't carry preemie! So where do momma's of preemies get clothes?? Babies R Us and Buy Buy Baby each only had a very small little rack of preemie clothes. None of the others stores carry preemie at all (Kohl's, JCP, Crazy 8, Gymboree, The Children's Place, Old Navy...). The only place that I have heard carries preemie that I havent checked out is Baby Depot in Burlington Coat Factory. I hate shopping the baby section in there, it is always so messy and unorganized. Not a fan!

Ok, back to my garage sale-ing... I bought a stack of preemie girl clothes (the garage sale was a woman who had twin girls). I sure do hope I have at least one girl!! I also bought a space save high chair that is the exact one we already have, and leap frog learn and groove table, and a pink bumbo seat. I cant wait to find out what we are having!!

I talked to the lady having the garage sale. She has a TON of girl clothes from preemie to 2Tish and they are all in wonderful condition and great prices. So I asked her what she is going with the stuff that doesnt sell. She isnt ready to donate it yet so she is likely going to hang onto it. I asked if I could get her name and number and give her a call once I find out what I am having. And if I am having a girl or two (or three) I will buy a bunch more of her clothes. So fingers crossed that I am growing some girls in there and that she still has stuff left!

The items that I am most worried about finding are cribs. The current nursery (that Quinn will be moving out of) has Sienna furniture (a deep cherry). I would really like to find two cribs that are at least the same color. But we'll see what we are able to find.

Ok, moving on from garages sales.... how am I feeling? I am feeling mostly 'ick' with a bit of 'terrible' thrown in here and there and once in awhile I feel ok and think I am going to get past this first trimester. This trimester is creeping by, I thought the second pregnancy was supposed to fly by?? SO far it is not, and I think it is because most times I dont feel very well.

Quinn has been saying "Momma BIIIG belly"! Little stinker! It isnt that big yet, I am barely showing. Little does he know that it is going to get MUCH MUCH bigger!! When I ask him if he wants mommy to have 3 babies he says "three girl babies" with a big smile on his face! So cute! He is going to regret that request if it comes true!

Appointments are scheduled!

I have no appointments this week or next but then BAM! I have 3 in one week! Finally got a call from the referral department today at Dr. W's office. My first appointment with the Maternal Fetal Medicine (MFM) doctor is in a few weeks. I found out that I still see my regular OB (I'll refer to her as Dr. W). On the 13th I have my first appointment at W's office with the nurse to go over basic info for the pregnancy. Then on Tuesday the 14th I have another ultrasound to check to make sure they are all three hanging in there and growing. Then I have an appointment with Dr. W (and another scan) on Friday the 17th. Then the following Tuesday the 21st is with the MFM doc. Four appointments in 8 days, YEESH! I hope John isn't super busy that week since he will be taking care of Quinn a lot! Actually I think he would like to go to all of them except the one with the nurse. So, what to do with Quinn? I guess we'll take him along and pack some books and things to do to keep him occupied. I also got a couple of my questions answered today.... can I do any excersize? Ummm, no! Nothing. Zilch. Not even anything mild until we get another look at how the babies are doing. How easy do I have to take it? Basically, if I dont have to do it, dont. Just until we peak at the babies again.

I checked out a couple books from the library on twins, triplets, and quads so I should get some more information from there. The one thing that is shocking is that I am supposed to eat between 3500 and 4000 calories a day! EVERY DAY! WOW, that is a lot of food! Did I already post that in a different post? I cant remember, I am claiming pregnancy brain on my memory! Well, if I did, I am still struggling with the idea of eating that many calories every day. I am going to be as big as a house!

Ok, so remember last post I stupidly mentioned something about feeling ok and surely I would be plagued from then on out just for mentioning it? Well, the plague started today! Uuugh, what an awful, sickly day! I know I consumed nowhere near the amount of calories I should have today. Nothing sounded good and I felt on the verge of vomit so the thought of putting anything into my mouth was excruciating. I did manage to eat enough dinner to at least be able to take my prenatals and extra vitamin supplements. Let's hope this was just for today and tomorrow I will be feeling good again.

Weight gain, or lack thereof...

I have been reading a lot about carrying triplets and the amount of calories I am supposed to consume in one day is, well, just short of eating a house daily! And periodically eating a house is exactly what I want to do! I go from fine to oh-my-gosh-if-I-dont-eat-right-this-minute-I-surely-am-going-to-wither-away in a matter of seconds. I can eat a large meal and an hour and a half later I'm hungry. I feel like I am eating a ton, but apparently not enough. I had gained 1.8 pounds and now I am losing. I am down to only being up 1 pound, I lost alost a pound in the last day or two. So I made the grandmother of all breakfasts this morning and I am stuffed! My goal today is to eat three large meals and three large snacks (that could be considered a meal to some).

And speaking of weight gain, I have only gained a pound and I am already busting out of my pants! How on earth? I guess carrying triplets might have something to do with it! I showed pretty early with my first pregnancy, too, but not THIS early!

The morning sickness (which is usually NOT in the morning for me) has been bearable in the last few days. Friday was AWFUL! But since then it has only been mild. I am probably jinxing things by saying so and I am sure to be doomed with terrible nausea just for saying I feel ok, but as of now (and yesterday) I feel pretty good. Hooray for that!!

I am anxiously awaiting a call from the referral department at my doctor's office to set up an appointment with a Meternal Fetal Medicine doctor (high risk OB). I have so many questions, I cant wait for my first appointment. I havent met with or talked to any doctor yet. My ultrasound was with an ultrasound tech and then I got a call from a nurse telling me that they were referring me out and that someone from the referral department would call. So I havent had a chance to talk with anyone yet. Hopefully I get the call tomorrow (today is Memorial Day so I think they are closed) and I get an appointment right away.

Well, that's all for now. Quinn and I are going to have a fun day together today playing outside and he is anxious to get started!

How did WE end up pregnant with Triplets?

Many people have asked if twins or triplets runs in the family. Others ask if we were on fertility drugs. People are naturally curious about how one comes to be pregnant with higher order multiples. So I'll give a little background about our fertility history.

As soon as John and I were married we knew we wanted to start a family right away. We already had five years together to go on vacations, we bought a house, etc. We were ready for the next phase of our lives. I began charting my cycles right away so I knew when I ovulated and it can also be used as diagnostic information to identify cycle issues. I could see right away that there were a few issues with my fertility. For one, I wasnt ovulating every month which obviously causes problems with conceiving. No egg = no baby! I went to the doctor after 6 months of unsuccessfully trying to conceive. I showed my doctor my charts and she sent me to an OB/GYN that has experience with infertility.

The first intervention was to try Clomid, a fertility drug that facilitates ovulation. After 6 months I still was not pregnant. Next I had a Laporascopy where the doctor found that my ovaries were fused to my pelvis, uterus, and tubes. She was able to completely cut one ovary free and not the other. After the surgery, I was pregnant with my first baby two weeks later! It seemed that my fertility issues were solved!

Fast forward to one year ago.... John and I decided to grow our family again. After a year (again) of trying with no success I went to the doctor again (a different one this time, I didn't really care for the last one). She wanted to try CLomid again and also said that I will likely have to have surgery again because my ovaries could have fused again at any time. The first month of Clomid I was skeptical and had NO hopes that it was going to work, especially the first month.

I went in for an ultrasound just before ovulation to see if the Clomid worked. It did! I had 4 follicles growing so my chances of ovulating were very good. And for those who don't know exactly how women's reproduction works... the body produces follicles that release an egg. Each month one follicle takes the lead in growth and is released. As soon as that happens a hormone is produced that tells the body not to release any more eggs. In my case, my body didnt get that message! And since I am now pregnant with triplets I am assuming either all four eggs were released or at least three of them were!

So that is how we became pregnant with triplets!

"Right now I see three..."

On Thursday, May 26th, John and I ventured to the doctor's office with Quinn in tow for our first ultrasound of the this pregnancy. I knew there was a 'chance' of multiples so I wanted John to come along. Plus, I thought he would like an early look at our newest little miracle.

While in the waiting room we realized that we forgot Quinn's backpack in the car that has all of his little gadgets to keep him busy. Books, cars, toys... all things that can hold a little boy's interest while we were tending to other important things. Just as I was going to ask John to run out to the car we were called back. Too late. I remembered an application I downloaded on my phone called 'Toddler Trifling'. It is a great little app, worked wonders at holding his attention. He enjoyed popping bubbles and balloons on the little screen on the phone while John and I awaited our fate.

As I was laying on the table waiting to be told we are having one baby (I was quite certain that was the case) the ultrasound screen was turned towards the ultrasound tech so I couldnt see it. What I could see where her lips moving as she was counting to herself! I saw her mouth the words 'one...two...' and I asked myself "what on earth is she counting!?! Certainly not babies!". Then she said "well, right now I see three". OMG! THREE!?! Three WHAT?? In a very meek shaky voice I asked "three babies?". And she said that's what it looks like. I am not sure what I said after that. I think I cried a little, smiled a lot, and then my mind starting spinning and it hasnt stopped since!

My thoughts ranged from 'how amazing! we didnt get one miralce we got THREE', to 'OH MY GOD WE ARE HAVING THREE BABIES WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO!!!'. As my mind is trying to wade through all the thoughts of the news I just heard I remembered John just heard the same thing. I looked at him and he kind of had a blank look. I'm pretty sure he was in shock! I told Quinn "Mommy is going to have three babies" and his response was "three girl babies?" which made me laugh! He'll regret that request in a few years if it becomes true!

It took quite awhile for the tech to take all the measurements on three so I had a bit of time to let it sink in before standing up. While I got dressed John was busy posting our news on facebook! The news was out before we even left the ultrasound room!

Now three days after finding out I think we are still in shock. We periodically look at each other and say "WE'RE HAVING TRIPLETS!"

Maybe tomorrow it will sink in....